SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF 

It has taken me a long time to learn to “fish for the self” or be “selfish”. What are you reminded of when you hear the word “selfish”? What do you feel when someone calls you selfish, or when your inner critic has that opinion of you? We often seem to relate it to our ego, that “nasty” part of us that seems to have a mind of its own and slips out when we are least aware. Does our ego look out for us just a little bit too much? Does it seem greedy, with elbows that push their way to the front?

At times that kind of behavior may bring us rewards: we are finally seen and heard. People may admire us, call us more knowledgeable, and put us on a pedestal. Once we are up there, we may become insatiable and want more admiration, more praise, more attention. Sometimes another feeling rudely interferes, scolds us, makes us feel guilty, and cuts us down to size. At other times, the people who put us on that pedestal need to take us down as they reclaim their own power and healing.

Yes, I have wrestled with all of those feelings. However, more and more I am able to turn these ego struggles into a research project: “fishing for the self”. Many years ago, I confided my fears about my ego to a dear friend. He said, “Don't be afraid of your ego. Love it away.”

This was a moment of revelation for me. I began to understand the importance of this statement. I was able to start practicing diligently how to be kind to my ego and learn to love and accept it. I even realized that I don't have to love it away. I can include it knowing that it is, after all, a part of me. By embracing my ego, I become whole.

I am learning not to deny the parts of me that feel scared, angry or unsafe. Ilet them speak to me and tell me of times in the past when I found myself in situations that confused and overwhelmed me. Maybe I didn't know yet how to respond to someone's anger or sadness, resulting in feelings of powerlessness or depression. And maybe these feelings are still residing unresolved in my psyche and body today. If I don't “fish” for them and acknowledge them, I deny large parts of my “self”.

When we feel powerless we often develop an urgent need to reclaim these lost powers at any cost. Unfortunately, people close to us may get hurt or stepped on in the process. At that time we act out of our fear, become egocentric and authoritarian; our denied ego-self is able to control our actions. However, if I in turn kindly listen to my feelings and how they are expressed in my body (often through tension or illness), I can retrieve these lost parts of myself that can lead me back to my inner authority, assisting me in the healing process. I can allow myself to understand that by being “selfish” I make myself a priority. I now put myself on my own pedestal as I accept the ego-self as a gift. In this way, my ego becomes my ally in my spiritual growth, instead of my enemy. When I give it the power to teach me how to “fish for my SELF”, I learn to organically love myself into life.

I believe it is not about right or wrong. Rather it is about honoring and acknowledging our authentic thoughts and emotions, which are designed to constantly receive new information from many sources. Instead of struggling to find just the one right answer, or solution, we need to make room for creative experiments that will guide our decision-making process and shape our beliefs. When we are creative, we are in the present, the moment in which everything joins to become one. In fact, it is impossible to create without being in the present.

Rumi, the 13th century poet, says:

Consider the difference
in our actions and God's actions.
We often ask,” Why did you do that?”
or “Why did I act like that?”
We do act, and yet everything we do
is God's creative action.

If we could create a “Now Experiment” in which we honor, for example, our fear, we would honor simultaneously everyone on the planet who experiences fear. This in turn would offer us all an experience of love. If we experience love, it is because we honor and acknowledge fear. Then love no longer needs to be a choice we have to look for, struggle to find, or train ourselves to choose – rather it is a natural outcome, the result of our honoring and experiencing fear. By not fearing fear or fearing the ego, but rather accepting it as part of a larger individual and collective experience, we come into balance and harmony with everything that exists. Then there is no longer a separation created between love and fear or ego and self; they are experienced as inherently part of one another. We are joining in the polarities of love and fear, moment by moment.

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.

utebarnold@gmail.com

www.unergi.com

 

EGO-BODY BLUEPRINT OF THE SOUL

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

EGO-BODY BLUEPRINT OF THE SOUL

Kill or love your ego?

Again and again, I read in the latest spirituality literature and hear from our New Age gurus that we have to kill, or at least sublimate, the ego. That looming part of us that interferes in our lives and needs to be gotten rid of, removed from the psyche.  It is the culprit of traumatic experiences, our deepest fear, our selfish behavior. At the same moment, the loudest message from the same sources says that we need to learn how to love our neighbors, our enemies, our family. That love is the strongest force in the world and helps us to feel interconnected with every living species, and even the entire universe.

Doesn't that seem like a profound disconnected story? We need to kill a bothersome part in us in order to love everything else?

Eckhart Tolle says that the ego has its physical life in the gut (solar plexus) and he calls it the pain body, where it creates fear. I can agree with that. I do get the butterflies in my stomach or the nervous jitters when I am afraid to face something I am not ready to confront. But instead of rejecting the feeling and judging myself for having it, or trying to kill it, I try to be compassionate with myself and tune in to the underlying message of why I have such a strong response. After years of learning how to listen and sense what is going on in such a moment, I can pretty soon discover of where my fears originated. I can often even pinpoint to traumatic events in my childhood that impacted me so deeply that the imprint is still carried in my cellular memory for instant recall. I also know that no amount of denial or rejection will heal this. It is simply an earlier self that is still trying to integrate the traumatic event, or the admonishing look by an important authority figure that always left me feeling ‘not good enough’. 

I find that there are two categories of responses to childhood interference. We collapse and feel sad, or get stiff and push back. These are programmed and show up in our body memory. The collapsed person has a caved in chest and the push-back person’s upper body is armored and the posture overly straight. Both are difficult for the body to sustain over a longer period, let alone a lifetime. Pain sets in, organs, blood flow, muscles, tissue, etc are effected and the doctor’s or another health practitioner’s job is to ‘fix it’ with a pill, a knife, laser, or a manipulation of some sort. Manipulation is, at least, not killing but is trying to trick the ego while it is raising its ugly little head or shut it up, so it won’t bother us anymore.

If the ego self originates in the ‘pain body’ and in the younger, innocent, vulnerable, defenseless self, why would we want to treat it the way our abusers or even well-meaning parents did (who didn't know better because of their own upbringing, lack of love, or understanding)?

Doesn't it make sense then that the early consciousness goes underground, gets buried in the subconscious, and from there starts to haunt us in our dreams or stress responses (like anger or depression), disease, autoimmune dysfunctions or every kind? And all because the early child was not immune to overwhelming, hurtful incoming information and still gets triggered today with lightning speed before we can control it, and then may be called the ego.  So, yes, the pills, or the operation may kill the pain but it is not able to kill our younger self. Wouldn't it be more sensible to learn how to listen to it by building and educating our sensory intelligence through body-dialogue with touch, talk, and movement, and bring the child consciousness out of the closet? We could redirect her attention and engage her where she still lives through play, imagination, the creative arts, and most of all the beauty and intricacy and gifts of nature. She will live no longer in the shadows waiting for her moment to get our attention; most often through pain, anger, or frustration which will eventually manifest in all manner of struggles from despondency to failed marriages, abused children, aggression, wars, etc. 

The good news is that this ingeniously disguised child self has an indestructible spirit that no one can kill! But that spirit may be so deeply buried that it might be hard to find, gain its trust, and help it come out of hiding. However, it is worth the effort…and any bit of love you can share with it will help you and the world get stronger. I’d rather be compassionate and fall in love with any and every part of myself than have to kill something in me that is simply still wounded and waiting for help to heal.

Let’s free this powerful creative child who had the brilliant idea to go underground, give it a new job description and experience how body and psyche are after all thrilled to work together again and become fresh, light, playful, and spontaneous as only children can. Imagine how your life and your world would look and live with a lightness of being…joyful, healthy, caring.

SHALL  WE  KILL  THE  EGO  OR  LOVE  IT  AWAY ?

The place we call the “Ego” seems to give us at best a lot of worry, and at worst it causes unwanted discomfort and even destruction.

Do we in turn need to destroy the ego, or should we even want to?

As a Body-Psychotherapist I find that on an energetic level the ego resides in the 2nd“Chakra”, which signifies personal and sexual relationships and the ability to say “YES” or “NO”, when appropriate. (Chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning “wheel”, which refers to the seven major energy centers in the human body.) On a developmental level, it signals the time of the two year old child in us who is learning to say NO, while trying to discover and affirm its ego-self identity without interference. (Remember the “Terrible Twos”?)

What if you were to approach your ego the same way you would handle a willful child - one who needs to find out how she/he fits into the world, test whether she is “good enough”, acceptable and mostly lovable? Would you try to suppress the child’s creative explorations of self, or would you want to lovingly teach and lead her/him into new directions?

Whenever we don’t feel heard, seen, acknowledged, respected, or appreciated our early memories - particularly those of our two year old time - get triggered. Our subconscious can, and does, immediately and relentlessly flood us with unexplored feelings of the past. No wonder we want to get rid of and deny these uncomfortable and often painful memories.

Most of us believe that we are not good enough, that we did and are still doing something profoundly wrong because we aren’t, and weren’t, able to control our environment by making the world a safe place for ourselves and the people we care, or “should” care about. This belief was so firmly planted long ago, that it still haunts us today.

In order not to get re-traumatized we often choose to suppress the early painful experiences. 

We may collapse under them and become depressed (and then take anti-depressants to stop the overwhelming feelings). Most often we become defensive when someone accuses us of even the slightest wrong doing. What we are really defending is that fragile young place inside, the child who is still looking for a voice, trying to be heard and seen. In truth, we no longer want to get acknowledged by anyone else of the past or present, but rather we want to be lovingly re-parented by our own adult self.

With the kind of Body-Psychotherapy I have developed over many years, and called Unergi (unity & energy), we can access and gently redirect and re-educate the early self without being afraid of re-traumatization. Through simultaneous touch, talk, and movement the rejected ego-self can find a welcoming, integrated place that will feel expansive on mental, emotional, and physical levels. We will learn how to create and sustain meaningful relationships. 

Life includes all and therefore needs to creatively, naturally and lovingly express our spiritual nature without fear of even the youngest and most inexperienced part of us. Didn’t the loving entity Jesus say, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark - Chapter 10:14)

I suggest that we start with healthy, compassionate self-care and remind our younger ego-self that we are “good enough, acceptable and mostly lovable”, one moment at a time!  

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.

utebarnold@gmail.com

www.unergi.com

SHALL WE KILL THE EGO OR LOVE IT AWAY ?

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

 

SHALL  WE  KILL  THE  EGO  OR  LOVE  IT  AWAY ?

The place we call the “Ego” seems to give us at best a lot of worry, and at worst it causes unwanted discomfort and even destruction.

Do we in turn need to destroy the ego, or should we even want to?

As a Body-Psychotherapist I find that on an energetic level the ego resides in the 2nd “Chakra”, which signifies personal and sexual relationships and the ability to say “YES” or “NO”, when appropriate. (Chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning “wheel”, which refers to the seven major energy centers in the human body). On a developmental level it signals the time of the two year old child in us who is learning to say NO, while trying to discover and affirm its ego-self identity without interference. (Remember the “Terrible Twos”?)

What if you were to approach your ego the same way you would handle a willful child, who needs to find out how she/he fits into the world, test whether she is “good enough”, acceptable and mostly lovable. Would you try to suppress the child’s creative explorations of self, or would you want to caringly teach and lead her/him into new directions?

Whenever we don’t feel heard, seen, acknowledged, respected, or appreciated our early memories - particularly those of our two year old time - get triggered. Our subconscious can, and does, immediately and relentlessly flood us with unexplored feelings of the past. No wonder we want to get rid of and deny these uncomfortable and often painful memories.

Most of us believe that we are not good enough, that we did and are still doing something profoundly wrong because we aren’t, and weren’t, able to control our environment by making the world a safe place for ourselves and the people we care, or “should” care about. This belief was so firmly planted long ago, that it still haunts us today.

In order not to get re-traumatized we often choose to suppress the early painful experiences.

We may collapse under them and become depressed (and then take anti-depressants to stop the overwhelming feelings). Most often we become defensive when someone accuses us of even the slightest wrong doing. What we are really defending is that fragile young place inside, the child who is still looking for a voice, trying to be heard and seen… In truth, we no longer want to get acknowledged by anyone else of the past or present, but rather we want to be lovingly re-parented by our own adult self.

With the kind of Body-Psychotherapy I have developed over many years, and called Unergi (unity & energy), we can access and gently redirect and re-educate the early self without being afraid of re-traumatization. Through simultaneous touch, talk, and movement the rejected ego self can find a welcoming, integrated place that will feel expansive on mental, emotional and physical levels. We will learn how to create and sustain meaningful relationships.

Life includes all and therefore needs to creatively, naturally and lovingly express our spiritual nature without fear of even the youngest and most inexperienced part of us. Didn’t the loving entity Jesus say, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark - Chapter 10:14)

I suggest that we start with healthy, compassionate self-care and remind our younger ego self that we are “good enough, acceptable and mostly lovable”, one moment at a time!

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.

utebarnold@gmail.com

www.unergi.com

 

Singing Your Body's Story Amongst Sacred Sites in Ireland with Ute Arnold & Candace Freeland

Click the link below to listen to
Candace's song about Ireland
"When I Dream of Ireland"

 The Gathering

We are gathering a harmonious, colorful basket of flowering souls journeying to Ireland to play together, sing, and become enraptured with the Spirit of the Land, the Warmth of the People, and the camaraderie of a pod of adventurers.

We will be staying in cottages in Lahinch, County Clare, a delightful Irish village within walking distance of the pubs for local music, good food and pints of Guinness, if the fancy strikes you.
We will tour out into the country during the day to pay our respects to the sacred sites and monolithic stones. We will sing songs that emerge from our hearts, in attunement with Gaia's Green Presence.

 We will meditate, circle, and sound the song of Now bathed in the beauty of Ireland's gushing green fairy magic.

Travel Details

August 16- 24, 2013 
We will be leaving Philadelphia on Friday, Aug. 16th, arriving in Shannon, Ireland on the 17th, and returning on Sat. 24th to Philadelphia. Some of us may be staying for further adventures. You may want to stay in Ireland a bit longer, too.
Fee for the trip: $ 1650.-
Register soon, so you can order affordable airline tickets before summer prices are going into effect and reserve your space in the group
Registration fee to reserve your place: $ 250. 
Non refundable
(there has been a big response already, so make sure to let us know a.s.a.p)
Remaining balance of $1400 due before departure
 
It includes:
- staying in Irish cottages (single and double occupancy)overlooking the sea, within walking distance from Lahinch village, on the west coast of Ireland

(not included are our meals, which can be cooked by us in the cottage kitchens with organic produce from the markets, or in near by restaurants and pubs)

- small bus transportation driven by a friendly Irish driver, who is an expertly trained travel guide

our adventure includes:

- learning about the history of the sacred sites from our travel guide, a native of County Clare

- singing our body's story by sensing deep awareness with Ute's Unergi modality & singing sacred songs from our collective wellspring with musically-gifted Candace Freeland and our friend Denise Gallagher at the prehistoric sacred sites...castles, monasteries, lakes, glaciers, sea coast, glens, earthen mounds, stone circles, Celtic shrines...to infuse ancient energy into our modern day perception, enlivening the site with our presence and intention

- calling forth fairy energy in the glens and forests

- mindful photography: developing deeper and more intimate "seeing" of Ireland's beauty and exploring  photographic soul portraiture of each other within the Irish landscape

- music sessions in Irish pubs

- journaling, poetry, painting, and creating our own Irish story and song !

A letter to a holistic therapy client by Body-Psychotherapist, Ute Arnold

Image

(silk painting by Ute Arnold)

Hello...

I am very reluctant to give you some feedback on how I perceive you.

I'd much rather have you write your own testimonial about you, so that you might look through your own eyes and SEE you and not give your eyes to me.... not putting me on a pedestal believing that I could see something you can't. Though that may be true, that I see something different that might help you to see you more clearly the way you would like to, but how would you feel if my truth about you does not mesh with yours. Would you have the necessary ego strength to disagree, or would you simply try to shape yourself into someone you can not yet, or will never be able to, connect to?

The more you try to see yourself through my eyes, the more you might abandon letting yourself see you with your own beautiful eyes.

Here I go anyway.

I have never had the privilege to witness a person who is so committed and diligently looking for their truth! It has astounded me again and again how persistently you have been digging to "connect the dots", as you like to say. What you seem to run into are "secrets" that only sometimes make sense to me, and you lose me when you try to explain. But since you seem to continue to look for the dots to create your picture that makes sense to you, I can only agree with you that all this searching must be important to you and brings you relief from the pain you carry that lies at the bottom of this, and may be too scary for you to feel.

I would like to suggest that the secret you are keeping secret from yourself is that: you are utterly beautiful, perfect and more than good enough! Period.

And if this opinion I have of you can help you fall in love with yourself just a little bit, then I imagine that would make you very happy.

And I wouldn't mind you looking through my eyes for that.

All the best on your journey.... and with the love we all share,

Ute Arnold