Exercise: Allies & Role Models

WHO WAS YOUR ALLY OR POSITIVE ROLE MODEL WHILE YOU WERE GROWING UP?
An ally might be a grandparent or other relative, a neighbor, a pet, a tree, a teacher, a fairytale or mythological figure – someone who was unconditionally there for you. Or if you can’t find anyone, pick someone out from your life today and ‘send them back in time’. (Don’t select your significant other, or parent!)

Notice if your creative self wants to burst out as you are thinking/sensing this.

If it wants to withdraw instead (in fear of criticism, rejection, lack of self-worth, etc.), then do the exercises below with your non-dominant hand and pretend you are 3 or 6 years old, unafraid of what ends up on the page! Go to it with abandon! Only your feelings and senses count!

Find out what you remember about this ally, or create this relationship in your imagination. Send the person/entity back in time. Be as detailed as you can.

·      What has he/she/it meant to you? And how has this being shaped your life?
·      Who would you have been without them?
·      Who have you become because of their significant influence in your life?
·      Write a Haiku.
·      What would this ‘being’ say to your younger self and what would he/she/it say to you right now?
·      If you have a photo, place it by your bedside, if not, make a sketch of the essence of this ally, and look at it by feeling yourself into the energy you shared, and will always share!
·      Re-invent your story in your creative imagination if you didn’t have an ally.
Imagine, imagine… re-record your story.
·      Sense and explore the healing impact on your inner body, emotions, dreams, relationships with others…
·      Receive a letter from your ally (imagine and write!)
·      Write back a reply.

The Dynamic Play of Giving and Receiving”

The theme of “giving and receiving” has been a complicated subject that has called for my attention throughout most of my life. While growing up, we children were taught that giving, helping, rescuing, and “bending over backwards” were desirable virtues that had to be practiced, and -- if accomplished well-- were sometimes rewarded, but mostly just expected.     I learned well. I learned well out of necessity. Spending time with either one of my strong-willed parents meant that we children responded without question to their demands. After all, that was how their parents and grandparents had raised them and this kind of giving/helping/obeying theme had been passed down from generation to generation.     Starved for love in my teenage years, I turned to reading the 19th century German philosophers and poets. Yet I found that most of their stories centered on a love that was either unrequited, or a martyr’s love where the hero or heroine would gladly suffer and die to preserve their beloved’s imagined well-being at any cost. I learned that martyrdom and privation were linked to the idea of giving selflessly or denying the self. This made it very confusing for me since my natural tendencies are to joyfully use my creativity to spread happiness and contentment around me. But I felt stifled by expectations that I experienced as unnatural, severe or unjust. I learned to bend like a delicate flower in the wind until bending became my first choice of response. My body, mind and spirit adapted to the forces of my environment until they became less and less aligned with my own inherently intelligent ways. My natural energy pathways – designed to support me in expressing grace, beauty and ease in movement and voice, became redirected, and I began to compromise and ignore my inner voices, which I believe would have spoken of a much larger intelligence than my parents or teachers could offer me.     However, there were other authorities I couldn’t ignore and they beckoned me to pay attention. These teachers were of the timeless magical world of nature. “My” animals, trees, flowers, streams, clouds, rocks, storms, stars, and skies -- with their unending songs -- became my emotionally accepting and loving parents, brothers and sisters. These chosen relatives nurtured me, cheerfully or powerfully awakened me, kept me in balance as much as possible during the day, and sang me to sleep at night. They touched me in my soul, and by receiving them, I touched them back. We established a giving and receiving that was based on a mutual joy of exchange. Whether I played in my sandbox (decorating my sculptures with worms, caterpillars and little daisies at pre-school age), watched the hens and roosters (while sensing their pecking-order language), or delighted in the round pigs (happily and deeply digging and rolling in the mud), or sat with my back against a large tree (cradled in its roots and shaded by the vast leafy canopy overhead) -- all of these experiences simply seemed to say, “you have a place here with us on this earth, your love and care for us is greatly appreciated, in fact we grow in strength and beauty because of it. You allow us to touch you back!” What I learned from my nature friends was that they and I were not only deeply related but we depended on each other for a mutually healing energy exchange that can only happen through love and care and in which giving is receiving.     It was also the one and consistent feedback I could always depend on that taught me to believe in myself when no one else in the human world was capable or available to see or hear me. These early teachers of “touchback” as I have come to call it, have accompanied me ever since. I invite you to search your memory and find your unique “teachers” that offered you “touchback.” Maybe it was a pet, or a doll even, that helped you to stay centered within yourself, escaping from a chaotic world that didn’t make any sense. Or maybe you were one of those fortunate humans who had a wise and loving grandma or grandpa, Mom or Dad, who taught about giving and receiving in loving and supportive ways. Or maybe your first grade teacher smoothed the way for you to learn who you might become in relationship to the world around you.     The “touchback” paradigm, once experienced, becomes a very compelling and strongly conscious voice, which has the power to call us back into experiences beyond our self-imposed limits. However, it requires us to listen to ourselves! We need to become aware of our habitual responses first so we can learn how to differentiate between trained voices of the past and our own naturally supportive voices. Seeing, hearing, listening to and understanding the natural ways within our own body and psyche will teach us how to connect easily to the world around us.     It seems to me we have lost touch with these natural internal and external teachers and therefore are not able to be in touch with the voices of a larger wisdom. If we could find our way back to this kind of self-awareness, it would lead us to make not only self-supportive choices, but include the world around us. We would be able to examine our first, the habitual responses and know that they are coercing voices of fear from the past. We could acknowledge those and then enlarge our vision of possibilities and dare to choose a new response. We would know and learn that everything in our lives creates “touch back” and that life creates itself through the quality of our intentions in the dynamic play of giving and receiving.     Let’s begin by imagining a world in which our chosen leaders embody “touch back” and let it begin with you and me.

Expanding the Toolbox

The following Unergi session took place in front of a Unergi student audience. Many of these sessions are videotaped with the client's permission. Then students can review them and write their own comments for in-depth learning. These writing assignments indicate how much each student is able to absorb and give us teachers an idea of what kind of supervision is needed. 

"Sally" is a very successful businesswoman. At the time of this session she has had a number of private Unergi sessions with me over the previous months and has now joined the Unergi community for the One-year Self-Healing Journey. 

Her dream has been to share a deeper part of her journey with the group and have them witness her pain and sadness. She starts out by saying: 

Sally: I have tears in my chest that are full. 

As her story unfolds, we learn about her stepfather's abusive relationship with her and her ingenious ways to create survival strategies. She tells her story from the perspective of her 4-year-old self who was helpless, violated and disempowered. Next she shows us how her 9-year-old self devised a “toolbox” that helped her discover her inner strength and how she fiercely held on to her essence with keen observation and even, miraculously, a sense of humor. 

She is now lying on my bodywork table. 

We have spent some time to connect through touch and words. I have noticed that her pelvis is tight, allows hardly any movement, and she tells me she has a knot in her stomach. I sense that she is ready to reveal a deeper part to herself and us. I ask her if she is willing to explore what brings her to this moment, as my hands have slipped under her left shoulder (heart chakra) - pausing - and honoring her body and her process. 

Sally: I woke up early this morning and had that dirty feeling that I get in my body - just now I remembered when my stepfather used to sock me in the stomach, and told me that if I didn't hold it in I would have to sleep outside, and that he wouldn't take me anywhere. And those things have been coming up like that, you know. 

The heart chakra has gently opened and soft tears begin to flow. 

Ute: Feelings that made you feel dirty? 

Sally: I don't know what the word is - like I was a misfit because of my body. 

Sally is showing us how abusive touch creates feelings of guilt and shame. The victim identifies with the abuser and feels that somehow she deserves to be treated like this. Sally thinks of herself as a misfit and her body internalized the story by contracting and numbing. I begin to reprogram this belief by asking her to place her hands on her stomach so she can reconnect to her body for self-acceptance, while simultaneously remembering what happened. I also put my own hand on top of her hands to reinforce, support and counteract the belief she learned through her dad that her body is bad and dirty. 

Ute: Have your hands say something to this area of your stomach. 

My voice is very soft and gentle to stay in touch with this vulnerable little child and maybe gain her trust. 

Sally: I feel so bad for you. I can't believe that this would happen and I wasn't there to protect you or anything. I never even put my hands over you to stop him. I just let him hit you. 

She begins to have compassion for this small child, but then joins her in the belief that there must be a reason she is to blame because she didn't protect herself. 

Ute: He was a strong man and I was a little girl. 

I say this in a strong voice to encourage her compassionate side to resurface and gain a larger perspective. - Again my hands move under her heart chakra to amplify empathy and move away from guilt and self blame. 

Sally: I thought he knew something that I didn't. 

Her voice breaks and is tearful. 

Sally: I thought he knew how to make me pretty, or how to make me OK looking, physically acceptable. I thought he knew. I thought he was doing that because he loved me. 

A story of trust and betrayal surfaces. I proceed by making sure that Sally takes the lead to re-empower herself. And I ask her directly where she wants to go next. 

Sally: I want to go into where it is full. I want this one - I want this one opened fully. 

Ute: OK, check with your body and sense where that full place is that you want opened up. 

Since the body stores the memories as well as the deepest emotional self-support, I guide her to find her direction there. Meanwhile I have gently lifted her leg, cradling it for a moment to give her the sense of additional support from her root and sexual charkas. 

Sally: I don't know where that is right now. 

I sense her move into a brief confusion, which helps to reorganize habitual responses and instead move toward new choices. 

Sally: I really want to be able, like, spit out all those mistreatments, the hitting and the stabbing and the smiling and all that stuff. I guess talking to him would be a place to do that. 

Ute: So start with that. What do you really want to say to this man? 

Sally: I think I actually hated him and hate is really tough for me. 

She cries, her voice breaks. 

I have my hand on her left foot and direct the energy through it into Mother Earth for grounding and comfort. - I sense the Unergi group's deep empathy as they witness this atrocious story, and I continue to check in with my own body to stay expansive, while receiving my own feedback from the endlessly giving support of the Earth. 

Ute: Say that again, just the way you said: I think I actually hate you. 

I have reframed this sentence to an “I” voice; “I hate you” instead of “I think I actually hated him…” 

We are inching toward the confrontation with her step dad. My voice is soft, allowing Sally to deepen her connection with her pain and hatred without becoming overwhelmed. She cries now. I have moved to the right side, (the masculine, active side of the body,) lift the right leg, cradling and encouraging some movement in the pelvis (where family relationships are accessed,) to release the pent up energy of anger stored there since she was four. 

Sally: I think I actually hate you. 

Ute: And tell him that it's tough for you to say that. 

I track her every step now so we won't proceed too fast. This is a pivotal moment that decides whether she is learning to trust in a larger self that has been waiting to express her anger, or whether her younger self is still not ready. - I sense her shuttling between allowing the feelings and stopping them. 

Ute: Say it from the place of the hip joint. Give that place a voice. 

Sally practices how to stay in touch with her anger for a while. While crying, she tries kicking and feels silly. 

Sally: I can't believe what you did to me! All that shit I took from him. It was awful. 

I sense her again slipping into some self-blame. I am now on the receiving left side, with one hand on the left hip and the other on the left foot to integrate pelvic energy with earth support. 

Ute: Well, a little girl of four-years-old has no choice, Sally. This was a big man and she is just four-years-old. Can you say that to her? 

Sally: He was a really big guy and you didn't have any choice but… I think you could have done something. - You know, when I finally stopped him I was nine. 

She says this with high-pitched, little girl's voice. 

Ute: At nine already! 

I acknowledge how courageous she was to confront a large adult as a nine-year-old little girl. 

Ute: What does the nine-year-old want to say to the four-year-old? 

My hands are both under the left hip joint to widen the support. 

Sally: I grabbed his wrist and pushed it away and I think (crying,) I could have done that sooner. I think …. 

She stops herself and reverses; dropping her self-blame. She speaks with a stronger nine-year-old voice to the four-year-old. 

Sally: ‘You couldn't do anything your hands were too small'. I could hardly do it. It took everything I had and my hands were bigger by then. 

Sally proceeds to tell us that at nine-years-old, she got thrown out of the house once. After that she began to prepare for future events like this so she would be able to survive. She tells us in a shaky voice that she “collected information” about people she knew on “how they got by” - 

Sally: I had this whole tool chest of stuff that I knew I could use… I had plans of what I could do and where I could go and how I would make money. 

I remind her of how little she was and what an incredible job she did to create a whole system, a toolbox to survive. At this moment, I get a little bit triggered, remembering my own toolbox and survival history. I look outside at the trees and call in my dependable ally nature, which grounds me to stay in the here and now with Sally. I encourage Sally to tell us some more stories about what she did to cope and how she did it, so she can learn to shift further from self blame to self appreciation -- at this time I have sat down behind her with my hands under her throat chakra, to amplify her stories and bring her creativity to expressing herself. 

Sally: OK - well. When I was nine, I had a friend. Her name was Joy and she taught me dirty songs - not that I understood fully what they meant. Since I had full experiences with penises I did have some sense of what was going on. 

She says this in a cheeky voice, I am shocked by the revelation of this last sentence, which makes me wonder, and strongly assume, that Sally not only experienced physical but also sexual abuse. However, I try to mirror her light energy and humor since this is part of her survival toolbox and helps her to continue right now. 

Ute: Do you remember one of the songs… could you sing it? 

She sings. 

Sally: Put your belly next to mine and drive it on - so I gave her inches one. She said baby this is fun - put your belly next to mine and drive it on. - There were a whole bunch of refrains. 

Sally is laughing. 

Ute: You sang these little songs so you could cope. 

I am affirming her creative coping skills. 

Sally: Ya, but the worst of it was that we wrote the songs down and we sent them to …. So he found out and I got beaten and this was the last time I got beaten this way. Really, 'cause what he would do is he would say go into the bedroom and get ready, and I'd have to pull my pants down and wait for a long, long time until he came in with a belt to spank me. And this time I refused to cry and I counted. He hit me 15 times. And the next day was the day he tried to abuse me again, and that's when I stopped him.

Sally starts with an adult voice, then trembles as I sense the emotions of the young child surfacing again. She is clearly regressing to the young place again, gets tearful, serious and finally shaky. - I continue to support her under her throat chakra, while I sense my whole body, whole world and her being included in it. 

Ute: Oh my God. 

I validate her horrible experience. 

Ute: So this little girl did not cry when she was hit 15 times. 

Sally: It was like: 'That is it,' you know. He beat me with a belt with those holes in them. 

Ute: And then the next day this nine-year-old said: This is enough! 

Sally: Yep 

Sally laughs. 

Ute: You are something, aren't you? 

Sally: Every time she gets to tell her story about grabbing his arm and pushing it away, I feel very triumphant and it makes me feel good. 

My hands are on both of her shoulders now, to remind her of her energy and compassion for this traumatic early beginning of her life, and guide her to reach out for more of her magnificent self, instead of laughing it off. 

Sally: I am having trouble holding my legs up though. I was scared. 

Her legs are shaking right now, releasing the fear of the past, while at the same time acknowledging how afraid she used to be. 

Ute: Speak from those legs that are having trouble staying up right now. 

Again I am inviting her body to become her ally, to bridge past with present. 

Sally: I'm very wobbly. It took everything we had to stand up through all that. 

Her voice is soft, childlike. She is integrating the four and nine-year-old child and all the ages in between. 

Ute: …. And I don't want to stand for any stuff anymore - not even in my memories. 

I am inviting her to put down her toolbox, let go of her self-defense and armor and eventually not be haunted by this tragic story anymore . 

Sally: I want to be able to feel the strength under my own legs…because they are strong enough to stand up to him too. 

Ute: Why don't you say that to him? 

Here comes the final self-empowered confrontation. 

Sally: I'm not going to hold you up anymore. 

She says to her legs, “ Sally: You don't have to carry him anymore - just me. 

Ute: What do your legs answer? 

Sally: We are still learning about that. 

Here I imagine that Sally has brought other relationships into her life over the years, who she felt she had to carry, and that this session can begin to teach her to say to any person who leans on her too much in any way, “I am not going to hold you up any longer.” (This seems to be a universal theme, maybe particularly for women in a male dominated society). 

Sally: I'm done. My hands are tingling. For the first time I can actually feel my hands. 

She has begun to release the grip in her hands that tried to push her abuser away, and with that the guilt and shame. 

Sally: The four-year-old says thank you... It was very hard. I don't know that I'm done crying about this at four-years-old, but I feel a little better. It was hard for me to be me… so I'm not done crying about how hard it was to be me. 

Ute: So you can give her permission to cry when she needs to? 

Sally: My legs are going really wide, or is that my imagination? 

She starts to shiver. We give her a blanket. 

Sally: Oh, I got a blanket. It was for me! Whoah!! 

After a while she says: 

Sally: I am very nice and warm now. 

Ute: So just allow yourself to feel that warmth. And let it travel into the life of that little four-year-old and nine-year-old Sally and let them soak in some of that warmth. 

….. Pause …. 

Sally: She says: Thank you. 

Sally has a new toolbox now. She has room in her body and psyche as she reaches for a fuller self. She is learning how she can become her own very best parent to her four and nine-year-old inner children, re-scripting their trauma with a new story .

One-to-One Unergi Session: "I am No One's Trash"

The following Unergi session took place in front of a Unergi student audience. Many of these sessions are videotaped with the client's permission. Then students can review them and write their own comments for in-depth learning. These writing assignments indicate how much each student is able to absorb and give us teachers an idea of what kind of supervision is needed. 

The students give each session a title to provide themselves with a quick “way in” to the overall theme. We called the following session “I Am No One's Trash”. 

Robert (all names have been changed to insure confidentiality) is a blue collar professional on a thorough search for himself. He knows that his traumatic growing up years need a lot of healing. When I asked for a volunteer, he presented himself eagerly and jumped on the body-work table. That became the opening for this session.

Ute: “When I was looking for a person to go on this Unergi Journey, what persuaded you to get up and say ‘I want to do this'?”

Robert: “What do you mean? That's what I do – therapy. Raise my hand and say ‘Me next', ‘cause if I don't do it then I don't get what I need.”

Robert had been in therapy and received psychotropic drugs for many years. His voice has a light-hearted quality as he says this. At the same time, both of his hands touch his heart. 

Ute: “I see. So you want to get what you need – and I saw your hands doing this.” 

I lightly touch the chest area. 

Robert: “My heart chakra – it's all jammed up after the Unergi Movement Sequences we did this morning. A lot of old feelings, I was very sensitive as a child.”

Ute: “Mmmmm.”

I have moved to the head of the table, have placed my hands on either side of his head, making contact, while speaking through my hands and whole body awareness to his nervous system. I gently begin to roll his head a little to the left and right to sense his level of trust. Is he letting me roll his head, or does he need to be in control by either stiffening or rolling the head for me? 

Robert is – very subtly – a little ahead of me, not completely trusting me at this point – with a sort of wait and see attitude. He begins to sense that I have no intention to push or manipulate his body, but rather am moving into my own expansiveness. I simply stay in contact with him, while he is able to take the next step. 

Robert: “So many feelings, ahh … I'm feeling like I have to stand my ground, and fight and try – I can't fight anymore.” 

His last comment shows me that he is surrendering to go to a deeper level of trust and safety, and I would like to offer him the kind of support that allows that to happen. 

Since I am working in front of a group, whose members he knows and has befriended, I can enlarge his experience by helping him become aware of a larger group support that encourages him. 

Ute: “Say that to us – “I don't want to fight anymore!” 

Robert: “I don't want to fight anymore!”

To amplify his words, I repeat and mirror his previous statements again, by slightly reframing the sentence in an “I” voice! I have found that whenever someone begins a sentence with “I”, he/she is able to learn to own what is said, which is very empowering! 

Ute: “Such a sensitive child, and you have so many feelings in your heart.” 

Meanwhile, my hands have moved under the throat chakra, under his neck, to call on deeper levels of verbal communication so that we can access his younger self. This leads to the next suggestion. 

Ute: “So let's talk to that inner child. Is that OK? The child who has all these feelings in his heart, and you noticed him during the Unergi core support movements we did this morning, and the feelings in your heart are really present for you right now. If you could talk to this little one… how old is he right now?” 

Meanwhile, I have walked to his feet (he had said earlier: “ I have to stand my ground… ”) and placed my hands on his ankles connecting feet, neck and head to bring in the whole support of his body. I begin with an ankle and hip release to also bring the lower chakras into his awareness. We are now amplifying the first chakra: connection to his family, represented by our group right now, but also his ancestors and the “tribe” that came before, and the grounding assistance of Nature. 

As I am widening his hip area creating more room for feelings, and physical and spiritual support, we can now attend to the story of “little” Robert and look at his survival issues. He slips easily into an earlier time of his life. 

Robert: “Four or five years old.” 

Ute: “Umm, four or five year old little boy Robert… can you see him?” 

Robert: “Ah. Yah.” 

Ute: “Where do you find him if you were looking for him? What do you see?” 

Robert: “He's hiding.” 

Ute: “He's hiding.” 

Robert: “Ya. He has to hide in the trash can.” 

Ute: “He hides in the trash can. Have him talk to us. Tell us how it feels to be hiding in the trash can.” 

I have really slowed down the dialogue now, carefully repeating his statements, meeting him at this very young place so he can continue to feel safe hiding, while at the same time staying in contact with us. 

Robert: “It's safe here. They can't find you.” 

I reframe his statement in an “I” voice again. 

Ute: “If I go into the trash can, hiding, no one can find me. It's safe, there.
- (pause) ….. Say something to the trash can.” 

I am now showing him how clever and ingenious this child was to have tried to find a safe hiding place, and encourage him to make a deeper contact with his “trash can ally”. 

Robert: “It's safe here. I like it here. It's dark. I can hide.” 

Ute: “You provide safety for me and I can hide here, and I'm glad you're here. At least I can hide here and no one can find me. No one will look in the trash can to find me.” 

I am attempting to deepen his relationship with the ally – trash can – so he will not feel so alone, but rather develop a sense of trust in himself knowing that he is able to provide safety and survival for himself. I also continue to encourage him to change the “it” (talking about something,) to an “I” and “you” for direct contact. Simultaneously, I work with his hips, legs, lower chakras so he can learn to rely on his ability to individuate, to detach from his childhood events and begin to sense a larger self support. 

Ute: “Hmmmmmm – then what happened?” 

Robert: “Somebody found me.” 

Ute: “Somebody found you in the trash can. What do you want to say to this somebody?” 

Repeating the words of his situation as it happened and leading him to try out his own voice with all of its present support gives me a sense of how far the four year old self is able to trust the growing, expanding adult Robert. 

Robert: “Just go away.” 

We both repeat this last statement a couple of times to access his budding power. 

Ute: “What else do you want to say to this somebody?”

To slow down the direct confrontation, I have not asked him who he is talking to yet. 

Robert: “I just want to be by myself. It's not safe to be with people.” 

I am sensing him withdrawing to a well-practiced inner safety. His body is contracting, and I have to be very careful now of my next step to make sure I don't become part of the “people” he doesn't feel safe with. His last sentence is a red flag for me, I imagine that he may have experienced abuse, probably touch abuse of some kind. 

Ute repeats: “Yah. It's not safe to be with you.” 

I have reframed the “people” into “you”.” I repeat his sentence. Now I want to make sure that he knows it is me, Ute, touching him, so I can continue the body work with him. Since he is very regressed right now, it is important that he does not confuse my touch with the touch of his possible abuser. 

Ute: “Robert, is it OK that I am touching you?” 

Robert: he sighs, long pause… “Yes.” 

Ute: “It's OK?”

I repeat, to make sure. 

Robert: “Uh huh.” 

Ute: “Anytime it isn't, will you tell me?” 

Robert nods. 

As he is reliving this early event, his body is also sensing the new choices to widen, lengthen and deepen. The process of rescripting a traumatic experience with self-support continues without retraumatization. 

Ute: “Was there anybody in that child's life you didn't have to hide from?”

Since we are getting closer to the deeper conflict, I make sure that he has the biggest support possible and help him to look for more allies other than the trash can. 

At this point I have lifted his left leg (the receiving, nurturing, feminine side of the body) and placed its foot on the table to give him the sense of additional grounding support from the earth. I increase the bridge of his arch and direct the energy up through the bones of his legs, contacting his whole body and the spiritual energy surrounding us. Simultaneously my other hand anchors the energy flow through toes and heel into the space below to connect deeply with planetary energy. He is learning how to build a bridge between his younger self and the adult, his life on earth as a human being. 

Robert: “The invisible people.” 

Ute: “So this imaginative, smart child had invisible friends. Tell us what the invisible people were like.” 

This may be the first time this four or five year old is acknowledged for being smart and creative, further strengthening the belief in himself. 

Robert: “They like to play and have fun and we played a lot of music and had big meals together when we were hungry; we'd have whatever we wanted. Lots of food.” 

I imagine that the “food” refers to spiritual sustenance to lift himself out of the belief, that though he is sitting in a trash can, he is not trash, and he has transformed the trash can into a welcoming home. 

Ute: “A feast! Prepared by the invisible people.” 

Robert: “That's it, they were my friends.” 

Ute: “And you could see them, they were your friends, and they were visible to you.” 

I need to affirm and have him dip into his immense creative, childlike abilities again, so that this time the child can become the ally, the wise one deeply connected to a larger sense of self, who will in turn lead the present-day adult Robert. 

I suggest: “Let's imagine for a moment that you are with these invisible people, these friends you can always count on. What would they say to this somebody who came after you in the trash can? Lets' pick some strong ones of these invisible people.” 

Meanwhile, I have worked with his right leg, the masculine active, take-charge side. Again, I place the foot on the table while connecting it to the earth energies and “send” it through the knee up towards the heavens, so both energies are in flow. The chakras are rebalancing and recharging. All of this facilitates what comes next. 

Robert: “Well, they say, ‘We'll protect you. It's safe.' Just … ‘We love you. We don't want to hurt you, or have sex with you, or do things that scare you.'” 

He now trusts us enough to share his difficult, abusive journey. I repeat his last statements which he can hear on several levels as we, the Unergi group, are joining with his “invisible people” for support. 

Ute: “We are just here to love you. We won't make you do things you don't want to do. We are just here to love you.” 

And I add, “Can you feel that love?”

This is our invitation to transform his experience of abuse to support and love. 

I am working with shoulder releases and arms now, helping him to sense his expanding heart chakra. At some point, I just hold his right hand. 

Robert's left hand slides up to his heart. 

Robert: after a pause : “I feel it, but it fights with the tension.” 

Ute: “It doesn't last. You have it for a while, and then the other somebody comes in, huh?” 

I affirm what he experiences, and also take his hand and place it on his third Chakra: the center for power and emotions. 

Robert nods. 

Ute: “Are you willing to do an experiment that we can stop or change any time?” 

Again, Robert nods. 

Ute: “Let's imagine that amongst these invisible friends there is somebody really powerful, really big. Can you imagine that?” 

Robert: “Uh huh.” 

Ute: “What does he look like?” 

Robert: “Big, real big. Hairy, big knuckles.” 

Ute: “OK, we invite Big Hairy Knuckles right here.” 

I am sitting on a chair at the top of the table holding his head and neck in my hands to amplify the strength of the upper three chakras; the fifth chakra for creative expression, the sixth for far seeing, and the seventh for connection to a larger consciousness. 

Robert: “He's gonna be my sidekick.” 

Ute: “What do you want him to do when someone comes after you?” 

Robert: “Protect me, warn me.” 

Ute: “Anything else, you can ask him anything you want, he is here for you. He's your sidekick.” 

Since he has regressed to a very small scared child right now he has a hard time imagining anything much more than the need for protection and warning of impending danger. Therefore, I am leading him a little into expanding his imagination to ask for anything he wants. Feeling empowered, he takes it further. 

Robert: “And if they won't listen to the warning I give them, then just stop ‘em!” 

Ute: “Stop ‘em! So if that person infringes on your boundaries and comes too close this side-kick is going to go out there and warn ‘em and then, if he doesn't pay attention?” 

I introduce him to the idea that he has boundaries and can learn to enforce them. 

Robert: “Let ‘em have it!”

Since he is now easily able to imagine his own self-defense we can proceed carefully to enter the stage of confrontation with his abuser. 

Ute: “I imagine you can remember scenes like this, but let's remember just one. What's happening, in this one scene?” 

I am helping him to “chunk it down”, to focus on just one situation right now. 

Robert: “I'm in the trash can.” 

I have now moved to the left leg, supporting the standing foot, grounding the receiving side again. 

Robert: “It's nice, it's quiet, no one around. Then my father comes home. He's been fired from his job, and he opens the trash can to throw something in and finds me.” 

Ute: “Hmmmmm, where is your sidekick, and what's he gonna do?”

I remind him of the strong, now internalized part of him expressed by his “side kick”. 

Robert: “He's gonna tell him, be nice, Howard or I'm gonna knock you on your ass.” 

Ute: “That's right, tell that to Howard again.” 

Robert: “You touch this little boy, I'm gonna knock you on your ass!”

Robert is finding his voice and power, and with that he is able to differentiate between his inner child and his own adult self. The adult is now moving from the sidekick, to front and center and is becoming his very own best parent and caretaker. He is ready to confront his abusive father, his own power is “kicking” in! 

Ute: “What's Dad say?”

I switched from “Howard” to “Dad” here on purpose, so he can consciously separate and detach from Dad and his abusive actions. 

Robert: “He says what he always says. Fuck you. I'll do what I want. You're just a kid.” 

I repeat the same statement so he can begin to claim his own new choices on how to proceed. 

Robert: “Not this time!” 

Now his legs are beginning to shake, and all the pent up energy, that probably had wanted to kick the hell out of Dad for a very long time, is safely releasing and streaming out of his body. 

Ute: “Let that shake. I know it's shaky. Just let it shake.” 

By reframing shake to “shaky”, I confirm that this is still a scary moment for him no matter how ready he is to move away from his past and claim his growing power. 

Robert: “Not this time. You can't beat this kid anymore. It's over.” 

Robert affirms and repeats these statements several times. 

Robert adds: “I just remember that it wasn't that way though.” 

Ute: “I agree that it wasn't that way then, but in this moment, we listen to you as a child who deserved to be cared for by a loving parent and still needs protection when he gets scared and you can creatively redo the past right now.” 

As he is shuttling back and forth to review the past from his new perspective, he is beginning to integrate his younger self with his empowered newly emerging adult self. He has to come out of the trash can, he is growing up to become the adult. 

Robert: “I need to be the person who I am. Inside has to come out.” 

Now Robert is shouting : “I need to come out Dad! And you are in my way!” 

He is finally coming out of the trash can. His third Chakra is adding power to his emotions! 

Robert: “I am mad as hell and I ain't taking it no more.” 

His anger is helping him to move forward. He is becoming an equal to his father. Now that the power chakra has been activated, I can simultaneously engage the heart chakra, so that at a much later time forgiveness toward his father may become possible. Once again, I have slipped my hands under his left and later, right shoulder, to create space in his heart for himself, moving the energy from his third chakra into the fourth chakra: love of self and others. 

I encourage him again to talk to his father and role model by repeating his previous words. 

Ute: “I am mad as hell and I'm not taking this crap anymore, you're beating me and I am having to hide in the trash can.” 

Robert: “I can be me. Nobody can beat me up for being me. Nobody can abuse me or use me.” 

His body energy feels strong and balanced now, and with this statement we are coming to closure. After he sits up, I invite him to share with the group, his fellow students. 

Robert: “It'll be easier to watch Sesame Street now. I'm no one's trash. Oh, I'm beautiful.” 

The group laughs with him, and I see many reach for tissues, grieving and celebrating Robert's and their own difficult past. 

Every one is profoundly touched when a person is ready to experiment with his vulnerability and discovers his internal, most often hidden strength. When we are no longer able to deny the truth of the past, we can learn to sense the vast support system of body, imagination, emotions and spiritual connection. We can begin to live in the present.

Case History: “Get Off My Back”

One of my physician friends referred a client named Peter, (not his real name), to me because he suffered from severe back pain which he, the physician, had not been able to relieve. Peter had been to three surgeons and all had recommended surgery. He was searching for a more holistic approach. As he walked from his car into my office, I saw him rest several times on the low wall leading up to the door: then he literally crawled up the stairs! (My present offices have no longer stairs!).

In our first session he lay on my body work table on his side with his legs bent, since any other position was too painful for him. Throughout the session I simply moved his shoulders and hip joints in tiny increments. I also worked gently with the muscles between his ribs, and asked him to sense the connection to the spine. I was “speaking” with my hands and my whole body awareness into the contracted places in Peter’s body. These small psycho–physical movements suggest the possibility of resting and moving, as they simultaneously awakened his deeply buried sensory intelligence. This process connects natural pathways between mind and body memory. The stories that were stored in Peter’s cellular memory about the origins of his holding patterns began to surface and release.

He remembered being a three year old little boy trying to take care of his chronically depressed Mom, and so we created a dialogue between small Peter and his mother. In the session the child told Mom how hard it was for him to try to cheer her up and how it always felt impossible to him. He expressed how inadequate and scared he felt. Little Peter believed that if he failed to make his Mom happy he would lose her support and love, and he would not be able to survive. These early experiences set the stage for him to become a co-dependent caretaker (a typical survival mechanism for many people) that he carried into his adult life.

Peter began to release feelings of anger as I was very gently ‘speaking’ with my hands into his joints and muscles and finding ways to increase the mobility and inter-relationships of muscles and bones. We were re-routing cellular memory by creating new pathways to expand body-brain connections.

His emotions began to have more room to flow, move, and feel encouraged to find expression in this expanded body container. He began to re-parent himself by telling his mother that the adult-child role reversal was no longer acceptable, and that she needed to get off the couch and learn to nurture and support him. After this, his breathing deepened naturally. The intercostal muscles between his ribs softened and released their holding patterns. Tears flowed as Peter expressed his grief at the realization that he had been deprived of a carefree childhood.

When he got off the bodywork table he looked relieved and surprised. I showed him how he could be open to soft interconnections between muscles and bones while moving into a restful upright position, and how to take advantage of the contact of the ground as he felt it rushing into his legs making him feel solid and supported from below. He could sense that his torso was accepting this natural internal support a little more with each step. The muscles in the back released their tight gripping of the vertebral column so that the bones had room to join in the movement and form their natural curves.

During his second session, we explored how assuming the role of the caretaker at such an early age had become a habitual pattern throughout his life. He told me about his highly educated grown son who, because of his drug addiction couldn’t support his two children. Grandpa Peter had come to the rescue, again and again, and was now exhausted and drained by the continuous financial and emotional support he had offered.

As I helped him to continue to sense the possibilities of expansiveness in his muscular structure, the bones of his entire skeleton started to find new places and gave him a clear experience of what authentic and healthy support could look and feel like. Meanwhile, as we dialogued with his son, he realized that he had enabled his son to collapse on his (Peter’s) never ending support. Again, he expressed anger, but found that the anger was directed at himself. Now, it became important to return to his childhood and tell the child what a hard and impossible job he had taken on by caring for Mom’s emotional and physical needs, and most of all, what a good job he had done to try, and that he didn’t have to try any more. He could now release the early self from his caretaking responsibilities. Peter continued the re-parenting process that began in an earlier session by using his imagination to create an “ideal” nurturing mother-son relationship. This finally restored the parent –child roles and gave the child a new “job description” by teaching him how to receive from the adult world. Peter no longer needed the habit of over extending, self support was now anchored in his body and showed him the many new choices available to him.

During the third session he practiced talking to his son. He created a dialogue in which he expressed his newly found healthy boundaries and laid out a plan with a time table of support that would be acceptable to Peter and would not allow his son to manipulate his generosity and take advantage of him...

During the fourth session he told me that he had walked comfortably up the driveway and bounced up the stairs, his back pain almost entirely gone. 

Peter arrived at his fifth session beaming with joy. His back pain was entirely gone!

We continued to expand the new choices for self-care on physical, mental and emotional levels while dialoguing with other challenging situations in his life. Peter was happy to report that he was now an equal partner in his inter-relationships and was able to negotiate compromises if he needed, without losing his boundaries and his self-respect.

Preventing Triggers and Re-traumatizing

Much has been discovered and written about PTSD.
All of us have triggers that lie close to the surface, we get upset, frustrated, angry or sad, and often don't seem to have much control over any one of these quick unchecked responses.
For many of my clients these triggers are connected to some traumatic event, through emotional, physical or sexual abuse. The latter includes all three, and is therefore deeply embedded in the psycho-physical body.

Many people learn to build a defense mechanism that helps them to 'keep safe', addiction of any kind, alcohol, drugs, over eating, hiding from the world, perfectionism, ....anything... that helps one to stave off the 'monsters' involved in a traumatic event of the past.

We now know beyond a doubt that trauma gets stored in the cellular memory. The body holds on to it and imprints it in the cells, which become the
‘Molecules of the Emotions' written about by Candace Pert, PhD, Pharma Psychologist, author of the book by the same title, who also wrote the forward to my book 'Stuck is Not a Place'.
Until an inner authority and insight has been developed, as well as new ways of self care and the reprograming of abusive touch history, the triggers continue to live on the surface and can sabotage life’s dreams, activities, parenting, relationships and jobs.

TRUSTING in the POWER of MONEY

MONERGY

Money represents an exchange of services. A person works for another person, or cause, and receives paper or coins, (except when money works for money, as in the stock market or banks, which represents a disconnect between people and from oneself).

So how can we learn to trust the energy power of money?
Maybe our first question should be: 
How can we learn to trust ourself, our work, our passion, our creativity, intuition, sensitivity, maturity and INNER AUTHORITY,  which is immense ?
How can we access this inner power in order to trust our work that gets exchanged for money?

The first step is to find out what life calls you to do, to cross the threshold to your authority that decides how to create the quality of the kind of life you want to live.
The next question is: how do I activate this power in my body and heart?

Our life is a testing ground for how to integrate polarities that exist on our planet as in dark/light, hot/cold, sweet/sour, day/night, love/fear, ....money/trust etc.
Only -past/present/future-  has three polarities with which to play the game of life, each one influencing the other.

If we are afraid of the past and its subliminal triggers still influence us today, we better find out what they are, so that we can learn from them and enlarge and expand our view to become more present in each moment. We can learn how to experience our body and feelings unconditionally to overrule our reactive responses. We can create new ways of thinking, feeling and being.

We don't have to get rid of, or forget the traumas of the past, but we can learn to acknowledge them and grow beyond them by embracing them, without bracing against them.
We can develop loving trust in the wisdom and power of the body's energy flow, to bless disease, loss, and any traumatic events with a much larger, expanded awareness.

This leads us back to TRUSTING the Power of Money, MONERGY.
Here we are integrating the polarities of Yin and Yang as we are acknowledging that money is not an isolated commodity that is used to buy "stuff" and create our livelihoods, but it is part of the connection to our work, our body, our feelings. 
In the end it is the work of our soul !

In the words of one of my students,  how about using our 'ridiculous courage' and befriend our body and emotions, our creativity and passion and learn to trust our nature....the God stuff we are all made of...and turn money into a powerful expression of the whole self: 
the integration of body, mind, emotions, spirit, creativity and the healing forces of nature.


As we connect our personal energy to the 'spirit and energy of money'  it will guide us into a healthy and abundant future !

I have called this Unergi -unity and energy.
We teach this healing process at the Unergi Center, a school for holistic psycho-somatic therapies that focuses on the integration of body, mind, emotion, spirit, creativity and nature.

SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF 

It has taken me a long time to learn to “fish for the self” or be “selfish”. What are you reminded of when you hear the word “selfish”? What do you feel when someone calls you selfish, or when your inner critic has that opinion of you? We often seem to relate it to our ego, that “nasty” part of us that seems to have a mind of its own and slips out when we are least aware. Does our ego look out for us just a little bit too much? Does it seem greedy, with elbows that push their way to the front?

At times that kind of behavior may bring us rewards: we are finally seen and heard. People may admire us, call us more knowledgeable, and put us on a pedestal. Once we are up there, we may become insatiable and want more admiration, more praise, more attention. Sometimes another feeling rudely interferes, scolds us, makes us feel guilty, and cuts us down to size. At other times, the people who put us on that pedestal need to take us down as they reclaim their own power and healing.

Yes, I have wrestled with all of those feelings. However, more and more I am able to turn these ego struggles into a research project: “fishing for the self”. Many years ago, I confided my fears about my ego to a dear friend. He said, “Don't be afraid of your ego. Love it away.”

This was a moment of revelation for me. I began to understand the importance of this statement. I was able to start practicing diligently how to be kind to my ego and learn to love and accept it. I even realized that I don't have to love it away. I can include it knowing that it is, after all, a part of me. By embracing my ego, I become whole.

I am learning not to deny the parts of me that feel scared, angry or unsafe. Ilet them speak to me and tell me of times in the past when I found myself in situations that confused and overwhelmed me. Maybe I didn't know yet how to respond to someone's anger or sadness, resulting in feelings of powerlessness or depression. And maybe these feelings are still residing unresolved in my psyche and body today. If I don't “fish” for them and acknowledge them, I deny large parts of my “self”.

When we feel powerless we often develop an urgent need to reclaim these lost powers at any cost. Unfortunately, people close to us may get hurt or stepped on in the process. At that time we act out of our fear, become egocentric and authoritarian; our denied ego-self is able to control our actions. However, if I in turn kindly listen to my feelings and how they are expressed in my body (often through tension or illness), I can retrieve these lost parts of myself that can lead me back to my inner authority, assisting me in the healing process. I can allow myself to understand that by being “selfish” I make myself a priority. I now put myself on my own pedestal as I accept the ego-self as a gift. In this way, my ego becomes my ally in my spiritual growth, instead of my enemy. When I give it the power to teach me how to “fish for my SELF”, I learn to organically love myself into life.

I believe it is not about right or wrong. Rather it is about honoring and acknowledging our authentic thoughts and emotions, which are designed to constantly receive new information from many sources. Instead of struggling to find just the one right answer, or solution, we need to make room for creative experiments that will guide our decision-making process and shape our beliefs. When we are creative, we are in the present, the moment in which everything joins to become one. In fact, it is impossible to create without being in the present.

Rumi, the 13th century poet, says:

Consider the difference
in our actions and God's actions.
We often ask,” Why did you do that?”
or “Why did I act like that?”
We do act, and yet everything we do
is God's creative action.

If we could create a “Now Experiment” in which we honor, for example, our fear, we would honor simultaneously everyone on the planet who experiences fear. This in turn would offer us all an experience of love. If we experience love, it is because we honor and acknowledge fear. Then love no longer needs to be a choice we have to look for, struggle to find, or train ourselves to choose – rather it is a natural outcome, the result of our honoring and experiencing fear. By not fearing fear or fearing the ego, but rather accepting it as part of a larger individual and collective experience, we come into balance and harmony with everything that exists. Then there is no longer a separation created between love and fear or ego and self; they are experienced as inherently part of one another. We are joining in the polarities of love and fear, moment by moment.

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.

utebarnold@gmail.com

www.unergi.com

 

EGO-BODY BLUEPRINT OF THE SOUL

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

EGO-BODY BLUEPRINT OF THE SOUL

Kill or love your ego?

Again and again, I read in the latest spirituality literature and hear from our New Age gurus that we have to kill, or at least sublimate, the ego. That looming part of us that interferes in our lives and needs to be gotten rid of, removed from the psyche.  It is the culprit of traumatic experiences, our deepest fear, our selfish behavior. At the same moment, the loudest message from the same sources says that we need to learn how to love our neighbors, our enemies, our family. That love is the strongest force in the world and helps us to feel interconnected with every living species, and even the entire universe.

Doesn't that seem like a profound disconnected story? We need to kill a bothersome part in us in order to love everything else?

Eckhart Tolle says that the ego has its physical life in the gut (solar plexus) and he calls it the pain body, where it creates fear. I can agree with that. I do get the butterflies in my stomach or the nervous jitters when I am afraid to face something I am not ready to confront. But instead of rejecting the feeling and judging myself for having it, or trying to kill it, I try to be compassionate with myself and tune in to the underlying message of why I have such a strong response. After years of learning how to listen and sense what is going on in such a moment, I can pretty soon discover of where my fears originated. I can often even pinpoint to traumatic events in my childhood that impacted me so deeply that the imprint is still carried in my cellular memory for instant recall. I also know that no amount of denial or rejection will heal this. It is simply an earlier self that is still trying to integrate the traumatic event, or the admonishing look by an important authority figure that always left me feeling ‘not good enough’. 

I find that there are two categories of responses to childhood interference. We collapse and feel sad, or get stiff and push back. These are programmed and show up in our body memory. The collapsed person has a caved in chest and the push-back person’s upper body is armored and the posture overly straight. Both are difficult for the body to sustain over a longer period, let alone a lifetime. Pain sets in, organs, blood flow, muscles, tissue, etc are effected and the doctor’s or another health practitioner’s job is to ‘fix it’ with a pill, a knife, laser, or a manipulation of some sort. Manipulation is, at least, not killing but is trying to trick the ego while it is raising its ugly little head or shut it up, so it won’t bother us anymore.

If the ego self originates in the ‘pain body’ and in the younger, innocent, vulnerable, defenseless self, why would we want to treat it the way our abusers or even well-meaning parents did (who didn't know better because of their own upbringing, lack of love, or understanding)?

Doesn't it make sense then that the early consciousness goes underground, gets buried in the subconscious, and from there starts to haunt us in our dreams or stress responses (like anger or depression), disease, autoimmune dysfunctions or every kind? And all because the early child was not immune to overwhelming, hurtful incoming information and still gets triggered today with lightning speed before we can control it, and then may be called the ego.  So, yes, the pills, or the operation may kill the pain but it is not able to kill our younger self. Wouldn't it be more sensible to learn how to listen to it by building and educating our sensory intelligence through body-dialogue with touch, talk, and movement, and bring the child consciousness out of the closet? We could redirect her attention and engage her where she still lives through play, imagination, the creative arts, and most of all the beauty and intricacy and gifts of nature. She will live no longer in the shadows waiting for her moment to get our attention; most often through pain, anger, or frustration which will eventually manifest in all manner of struggles from despondency to failed marriages, abused children, aggression, wars, etc. 

The good news is that this ingeniously disguised child self has an indestructible spirit that no one can kill! But that spirit may be so deeply buried that it might be hard to find, gain its trust, and help it come out of hiding. However, it is worth the effort…and any bit of love you can share with it will help you and the world get stronger. I’d rather be compassionate and fall in love with any and every part of myself than have to kill something in me that is simply still wounded and waiting for help to heal.

Let’s free this powerful creative child who had the brilliant idea to go underground, give it a new job description and experience how body and psyche are after all thrilled to work together again and become fresh, light, playful, and spontaneous as only children can. Imagine how your life and your world would look and live with a lightness of being…joyful, healthy, caring.

SHALL  WE  KILL  THE  EGO  OR  LOVE  IT  AWAY ?

The place we call the “Ego” seems to give us at best a lot of worry, and at worst it causes unwanted discomfort and even destruction.

Do we in turn need to destroy the ego, or should we even want to?

As a Body-Psychotherapist I find that on an energetic level the ego resides in the 2nd“Chakra”, which signifies personal and sexual relationships and the ability to say “YES” or “NO”, when appropriate. (Chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning “wheel”, which refers to the seven major energy centers in the human body.) On a developmental level, it signals the time of the two year old child in us who is learning to say NO, while trying to discover and affirm its ego-self identity without interference. (Remember the “Terrible Twos”?)

What if you were to approach your ego the same way you would handle a willful child - one who needs to find out how she/he fits into the world, test whether she is “good enough”, acceptable and mostly lovable? Would you try to suppress the child’s creative explorations of self, or would you want to lovingly teach and lead her/him into new directions?

Whenever we don’t feel heard, seen, acknowledged, respected, or appreciated our early memories - particularly those of our two year old time - get triggered. Our subconscious can, and does, immediately and relentlessly flood us with unexplored feelings of the past. No wonder we want to get rid of and deny these uncomfortable and often painful memories.

Most of us believe that we are not good enough, that we did and are still doing something profoundly wrong because we aren’t, and weren’t, able to control our environment by making the world a safe place for ourselves and the people we care, or “should” care about. This belief was so firmly planted long ago, that it still haunts us today.

In order not to get re-traumatized we often choose to suppress the early painful experiences. 

We may collapse under them and become depressed (and then take anti-depressants to stop the overwhelming feelings). Most often we become defensive when someone accuses us of even the slightest wrong doing. What we are really defending is that fragile young place inside, the child who is still looking for a voice, trying to be heard and seen. In truth, we no longer want to get acknowledged by anyone else of the past or present, but rather we want to be lovingly re-parented by our own adult self.

With the kind of Body-Psychotherapy I have developed over many years, and called Unergi (unity & energy), we can access and gently redirect and re-educate the early self without being afraid of re-traumatization. Through simultaneous touch, talk, and movement the rejected ego-self can find a welcoming, integrated place that will feel expansive on mental, emotional, and physical levels. We will learn how to create and sustain meaningful relationships. 

Life includes all and therefore needs to creatively, naturally and lovingly express our spiritual nature without fear of even the youngest and most inexperienced part of us. Didn’t the loving entity Jesus say, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark - Chapter 10:14)

I suggest that we start with healthy, compassionate self-care and remind our younger ego-self that we are “good enough, acceptable and mostly lovable”, one moment at a time!  

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.

utebarnold@gmail.com

www.unergi.com

SHALL WE KILL THE EGO OR LOVE IT AWAY ?

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

 

SHALL  WE  KILL  THE  EGO  OR  LOVE  IT  AWAY ?

The place we call the “Ego” seems to give us at best a lot of worry, and at worst it causes unwanted discomfort and even destruction.

Do we in turn need to destroy the ego, or should we even want to?

As a Body-Psychotherapist I find that on an energetic level the ego resides in the 2nd “Chakra”, which signifies personal and sexual relationships and the ability to say “YES” or “NO”, when appropriate. (Chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning “wheel”, which refers to the seven major energy centers in the human body). On a developmental level it signals the time of the two year old child in us who is learning to say NO, while trying to discover and affirm its ego-self identity without interference. (Remember the “Terrible Twos”?)

What if you were to approach your ego the same way you would handle a willful child, who needs to find out how she/he fits into the world, test whether she is “good enough”, acceptable and mostly lovable. Would you try to suppress the child’s creative explorations of self, or would you want to caringly teach and lead her/him into new directions?

Whenever we don’t feel heard, seen, acknowledged, respected, or appreciated our early memories - particularly those of our two year old time - get triggered. Our subconscious can, and does, immediately and relentlessly flood us with unexplored feelings of the past. No wonder we want to get rid of and deny these uncomfortable and often painful memories.

Most of us believe that we are not good enough, that we did and are still doing something profoundly wrong because we aren’t, and weren’t, able to control our environment by making the world a safe place for ourselves and the people we care, or “should” care about. This belief was so firmly planted long ago, that it still haunts us today.

In order not to get re-traumatized we often choose to suppress the early painful experiences.

We may collapse under them and become depressed (and then take anti-depressants to stop the overwhelming feelings). Most often we become defensive when someone accuses us of even the slightest wrong doing. What we are really defending is that fragile young place inside, the child who is still looking for a voice, trying to be heard and seen… In truth, we no longer want to get acknowledged by anyone else of the past or present, but rather we want to be lovingly re-parented by our own adult self.

With the kind of Body-Psychotherapy I have developed over many years, and called Unergi (unity & energy), we can access and gently redirect and re-educate the early self without being afraid of re-traumatization. Through simultaneous touch, talk, and movement the rejected ego self can find a welcoming, integrated place that will feel expansive on mental, emotional and physical levels. We will learn how to create and sustain meaningful relationships.

Life includes all and therefore needs to creatively, naturally and lovingly express our spiritual nature without fear of even the youngest and most inexperienced part of us. Didn’t the loving entity Jesus say, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark - Chapter 10:14)

I suggest that we start with healthy, compassionate self-care and remind our younger ego self that we are “good enough, acceptable and mostly lovable”, one moment at a time!

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.

utebarnold@gmail.com

www.unergi.com

 

Singing Your Body's Story Amongst Sacred Sites in Ireland with Ute Arnold & Candace Freeland

Click the link below to listen to
Candace's song about Ireland
"When I Dream of Ireland"

 The Gathering

We are gathering a harmonious, colorful basket of flowering souls journeying to Ireland to play together, sing, and become enraptured with the Spirit of the Land, the Warmth of the People, and the camaraderie of a pod of adventurers.

We will be staying in cottages in Lahinch, County Clare, a delightful Irish village within walking distance of the pubs for local music, good food and pints of Guinness, if the fancy strikes you.
We will tour out into the country during the day to pay our respects to the sacred sites and monolithic stones. We will sing songs that emerge from our hearts, in attunement with Gaia's Green Presence.

 We will meditate, circle, and sound the song of Now bathed in the beauty of Ireland's gushing green fairy magic.

Travel Details

August 16- 24, 2013 
We will be leaving Philadelphia on Friday, Aug. 16th, arriving in Shannon, Ireland on the 17th, and returning on Sat. 24th to Philadelphia. Some of us may be staying for further adventures. You may want to stay in Ireland a bit longer, too.
Fee for the trip: $ 1650.-
Register soon, so you can order affordable airline tickets before summer prices are going into effect and reserve your space in the group
Registration fee to reserve your place: $ 250. 
Non refundable
(there has been a big response already, so make sure to let us know a.s.a.p)
Remaining balance of $1400 due before departure
 
It includes:
- staying in Irish cottages (single and double occupancy)overlooking the sea, within walking distance from Lahinch village, on the west coast of Ireland

(not included are our meals, which can be cooked by us in the cottage kitchens with organic produce from the markets, or in near by restaurants and pubs)

- small bus transportation driven by a friendly Irish driver, who is an expertly trained travel guide

our adventure includes:

- learning about the history of the sacred sites from our travel guide, a native of County Clare

- singing our body's story by sensing deep awareness with Ute's Unergi modality & singing sacred songs from our collective wellspring with musically-gifted Candace Freeland and our friend Denise Gallagher at the prehistoric sacred sites...castles, monasteries, lakes, glaciers, sea coast, glens, earthen mounds, stone circles, Celtic shrines...to infuse ancient energy into our modern day perception, enlivening the site with our presence and intention

- calling forth fairy energy in the glens and forests

- mindful photography: developing deeper and more intimate "seeing" of Ireland's beauty and exploring  photographic soul portraiture of each other within the Irish landscape

- music sessions in Irish pubs

- journaling, poetry, painting, and creating our own Irish story and song !

A letter to a holistic therapy client by Body-Psychotherapist, Ute Arnold

Image

(silk painting by Ute Arnold)

Hello...

I am very reluctant to give you some feedback on how I perceive you.

I'd much rather have you write your own testimonial about you, so that you might look through your own eyes and SEE you and not give your eyes to me.... not putting me on a pedestal believing that I could see something you can't. Though that may be true, that I see something different that might help you to see you more clearly the way you would like to, but how would you feel if my truth about you does not mesh with yours. Would you have the necessary ego strength to disagree, or would you simply try to shape yourself into someone you can not yet, or will never be able to, connect to?

The more you try to see yourself through my eyes, the more you might abandon letting yourself see you with your own beautiful eyes.

Here I go anyway.

I have never had the privilege to witness a person who is so committed and diligently looking for their truth! It has astounded me again and again how persistently you have been digging to "connect the dots", as you like to say. What you seem to run into are "secrets" that only sometimes make sense to me, and you lose me when you try to explain. But since you seem to continue to look for the dots to create your picture that makes sense to you, I can only agree with you that all this searching must be important to you and brings you relief from the pain you carry that lies at the bottom of this, and may be too scary for you to feel.

I would like to suggest that the secret you are keeping secret from yourself is that: you are utterly beautiful, perfect and more than good enough! Period.

And if this opinion I have of you can help you fall in love with yourself just a little bit, then I imagine that would make you very happy.

And I wouldn't mind you looking through my eyes for that.

All the best on your journey.... and with the love we all share,

Ute Arnold