This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.
1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self
SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF
It has taken me a long time to learn to “fish for the self” or be “selfish”. What are you reminded of when you hear the word “selfish”? What do you feel when someone calls you selfish, or when your inner critic has that opinion of you? We often seem to relate it to our ego, that “nasty” part of us that seems to have a mind of its own and slips out when we are least aware. Does our ego look out for us just a little bit too much? Does it seem greedy, with elbows that push their way to the front?
At times that kind of behavior may bring us rewards: we are finally seen and heard. People may admire us, call us more knowledgeable, and put us on a pedestal. Once we are up there, we may become insatiable and want more admiration, more praise, more attention. Sometimes another feeling rudely interferes, scolds us, makes us feel guilty, and cuts us down to size. At other times, the people who put us on that pedestal need to take us down as they reclaim their own power and healing.
Yes, I have wrestled with all of those feelings. However, more and more I am able to turn these ego struggles into a research project: “fishing for the self”. Many years ago, I confided my fears about my ego to a dear friend. He said, “Don't be afraid of your ego. Love it away.”
This was a moment of revelation for me. I began to understand the importance of this statement. I was able to start practicing diligently how to be kind to my ego and learn to love and accept it. I even realized that I don't have to love it away. I can include it knowing that it is, after all, a part of me. By embracing my ego, I become whole.
I am learning not to deny the parts of me that feel scared, angry or unsafe. Ilet them speak to me and tell me of times in the past when I found myself in situations that confused and overwhelmed me. Maybe I didn't know yet how to respond to someone's anger or sadness, resulting in feelings of powerlessness or depression. And maybe these feelings are still residing unresolved in my psyche and body today. If I don't “fish” for them and acknowledge them, I deny large parts of my “self”.
When we feel powerless we often develop an urgent need to reclaim these lost powers at any cost. Unfortunately, people close to us may get hurt or stepped on in the process. At that time we act out of our fear, become egocentric and authoritarian; our denied ego-self is able to control our actions. However, if I in turn kindly listen to my feelings and how they are expressed in my body (often through tension or illness), I can retrieve these lost parts of myself that can lead me back to my inner authority, assisting me in the healing process. I can allow myself to understand that by being “selfish” I make myself a priority. I now put myself on my own pedestal as I accept the ego-self as a gift. In this way, my ego becomes my ally in my spiritual growth, instead of my enemy. When I give it the power to teach me how to “fish for my SELF”, I learn to organically love myself into life.
I believe it is not about right or wrong. Rather it is about honoring and acknowledging our authentic thoughts and emotions, which are designed to constantly receive new information from many sources. Instead of struggling to find just the one right answer, or solution, we need to make room for creative experiments that will guide our decision-making process and shape our beliefs. When we are creative, we are in the present, the moment in which everything joins to become one. In fact, it is impossible to create without being in the present.
Rumi, the 13th century poet, says:
Consider the difference
in our actions and God's actions.
We often ask,” Why did you do that?”
or “Why did I act like that?”
We do act, and yet everything we do
is God's creative action.
If we could create a “Now Experiment” in which we honor, for example, our fear, we would honor simultaneously everyone on the planet who experiences fear. This in turn would offer us all an experience of love. If we experience love, it is because we honor and acknowledge fear. Then love no longer needs to be a choice we have to look for, struggle to find, or train ourselves to choose – rather it is a natural outcome, the result of our honoring and experiencing fear. By not fearing fear or fearing the ego, but rather accepting it as part of a larger individual and collective experience, we come into balance and harmony with everything that exists. Then there is no longer a separation created between love and fear or ego and self; they are experienced as inherently part of one another. We are joining in the polarities of love and fear, moment by moment.
This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.
1 Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self
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