SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

SELFISH - FISHING FOR THE SELF 

Ithas taken me a long time to learn to “fish for the self” or be “selfish”. What are you reminded of when you hear the word “selfish”? What do you feel when someone calls you selfish, or when your inner critic has that opinion of you? We often seem to relate it to our ego, that “nasty” part of us that seems to have a mind of its own and slips out when we are least aware. Does our ego look out for us just a little bit too much? Does it seem greedy, with elbows that push their way to the front?

Attimes that kind of behavior may bring us rewards: we are finally seen andheard. People may admire us, call us more knowledgeable, and put us on apedestal. Once we are up there, we may become insatiable and want moreadmiration, more praise, more attention. Sometimes another feeling rudely interferes, scolds us, makes us feel guilty, and cuts us down to size. At othertimes, the people who put us on that pedestal need to take us down as theyreclaim their own power and healing.

Yes,I have wrestled with all of those feelings. However, more and more I am able toturn these ego struggles into a research project: “fishing for the self”. Manyyears ago, I confided my fears about my ego to a dear friend. He said, “Don'tbe afraid of your ego. Love it away.”

Thiswas a moment of revelation for me. I began to understand the importance of thisstatement. I was able to start practicing diligently how to be kind to my egoand learn to love and accept it. I even realized that I don't have to love itaway. I can include it knowing that it is, after all, a part of me. Byembracing my ego, I become whole.

Iam learning not to deny the parts of me that feel scared, angry or unsafe. Ilet them speak to me and tell me of times in the past when I found myself insituations that confused and overwhelmed me. Maybe I didn't know yet how torespond to someone's anger or sadness, resulting in feelings of powerlessnessor depression. And maybe these feelings are still residing unresolved in mypsyche and body today. If I don't “fish” for them and acknowledge them, I denylarge parts of my “self”.

When we feel powerless we often develop an urgent need to reclaim these lost powersat any cost. Unfortunately, people close to us may get hurt or stepped on inthe process. At that time we act out of our fear, become egocentric andauthoritarian; our denied ego-self is able to control our actions. However, if I in turn kindly listen to my feelings and how they are expressed in my body(often through tension or illness), I can retrieve these lost parts of myselfthat can lead me back to my inner authority, assisting me in the healingprocess. I can allow myself to understand that by being “selfish” I make myselfa priority. I now put myself on my own pedestal as I accept the ego-self as a gift.In this way, my ego becomes my ally in my spiritual growth, instead of myenemy. When I give it the power to teach me how to “fish for my SELF”, I learn to organically love myself into life.

I believe it is not about right or wrong. Rather it is about honoring andacknowledging our authentic thoughts and emotions, which are designed toconstantly receive new information from many sources. Instead of struggling tofind just the one right answer, or solution, we need to make room for creative experiments that will guide our decision-making process and shape our beliefs.When we are creative, we are in the present, the moment in which everythingjoins to become one. In fact, it is impossible to create without being in the present.

Rumi, the 13th century poet, says:

Consider the difference
in our actions and God's actions.
We often ask,” Why did you do that?”
or “Why did I act like that?”
We do act, and yet everything we do
is God's creative action.

If we could create a “Now Experiment” in which we honor, for example, our fear, wewould honor simultaneously everyone on the planet who experiences fear. This inturn would offer us all an experience of love. If we experience love,it is because we honor and acknowledge fear . Then love no longerneeds to be a choice we have to look for, struggle to find, or train ourselvesto choose – rather it is a natural outcome, the result of our honoring andexperiencing fear. By not fearing fear or fearing the ego, but rather acceptingit as part of a larger individual and collective experience, we come intobalance and harmony with everything that exists. Then there is no longer aseparation created between love and fear or ego and self; they are experiencedas inherently part of one another. We are joining in the polarities of love andfear, moment by moment.

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self


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