of course I am jet lagging after 24 hours of travel. The air plane cabin pressure was playing havoc with my ears again, and a cold had settled into my chest.
So being fair to myself and my journey I have to process the metaphors right now in the middle of the night ! Luckily the angel card I picked at our first group gathering is KINDNESS, it’s a little angel drawing in which the entity offers a rose to two small animals. And so throwing kindness for mysef into the mix is a good thing as I ask ‘what is sitting on my chest, and what is the answer to this I don’t want to hear’. Sometime the brutal energy that goes into these self reavealing questions ends up in the self judging bucket, before it can gather enough kindness to do me any good.
Hari (my friend in Pa. who is my wonderful personal geek and creates the technical know how in how to publish my creative voices) you were right and read me perfectly before I went on this trip....I struggle with making myself visible, I want to fly under the radar AND I want to be seen and be valuable, and those two are not on the same page.
In my work I practice getting out of the way so other people learn to shine. I believe I have come to Findhorn to create a balance between the two, and I know that NATURE is the not so secret ingredient that I have to allow to make that happen.
I am staying in the same adorable house my sister stayed in when we were here together last August. The reason I picked THIS room was because it has an apple tree right outside the window, and when I was waking at midnight with the persistant question of ‘visibility’ I openend my eyes and the lamp in the garden created shadows of the most exquisite patterns of branches and leaves on the wall ! Now is there even a question that this is a perfect journey and I am guided by the spirit and the beauty of nature !
We were asked in the first session of what is the most important ingredient that we want to explore in the course, and my answer was ‘ I would like nature to be part of the group process and that is why I came to do this ECO-DESIGN course in Findhorn and not somewhere else on the planet....And I was the first person who was asked ! Now where do I put all that !!
The simple answer is that I am exploring my OWN nature and that the little apple tree is helping me to do that right now ! Can it get more perfect ? Can I go home now ??
The course looks like it is exquisitely and very professionally designed and may challenge the hell out of me, as I think of myself as this seasoned traveler with different hats as a Body-Psychotherapist, artist, group leader and bla, bla, bla all roles I want to strip from over identification, while staying open of what all this background can teach me in relationship to new information and especially via the teaching of my nature buddies.
An hour before I left for Findhorn I walked to my huge tree in the garden and asked it to accompany me on this journey and that I would need its help. The book in the airoplane I read was on Permaculture and Spirituality by Craig Gibson, with whom I had done the last workshop when I was here in August. It has a quote in it
“Plants are capable of intent: they can stretch towards, or seek out, what they want in ways as mysterious as the most fantastic romance.”
So I declare that I am going to fantastically romance myself in these next 5 weeks ! Which at the moment still feels quite narcissistic, so I can already see what a challenge this is going to be ....and by the way, the group members are going to be a huge help, 16 people from all over the world, ...fist impression ‘kind, thoughtful, eager, varied in their approach, creative’... while the leaders seem to be super organized, very experienced, fair, and great listeners. They are going to take me/us to my/our growing edge if I/we let them.
Its 3 am and I will try to catch a few more winks before group meditation at 6:30 am ! Pew....here I roll...