(silk painting by Ute Arnold)
I am very reluctant to give you some feedback on how I perceive you.
I'd much rather have you write your own testimonial about you, so that you might look through your own eyes and SEE you and not give your eyes to me.... not putting me on a pedestal believing that I could see something you can't. Though that may be true, that I see something different that might help you to see you more clearly the way you would like to, but how would you feel if my truth about you does not mesh with yours. Would you have the necessary ego strength to disagree, or would you simply try to shape yourself into someone you can not yet, or will never be able to, connect to?
The more you try to see yourself through my eyes, the more you might abandon letting yourself see you with your own beautiful eyes.
Here I go anyway.
I have never had the privilege to witness a person who is so committed and diligently looking for their truth! It has astounded me again and again how persistently you have been digging to "connect the dots", as you like to say. What you seem to run into are "secrets" that only sometimes make sense to me, and you lose me when you try to explain. But since you seem to continue to look for the dots to create your picture that makes sense to you, I can only agree with you that all this searching must be important to you and brings you relief from the pain you carry that lies at the bottom of this, and may be too scary for you to feel.
I would like to suggest that the secret you are keeping secret from yourself is that: you are utterly beautiful, perfect and more than good enough! Period.
And if this opinion I have of you can help you fall in love with yourself just a little bit, then I imagine that would make you very happy.
And I wouldn't mind you looking through my eyes for that.
All the best on your journey.... and with the love we all share,