This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self



The place we call the “Ego” seems to give us at best a lot of worry, and at worst it causes unwanted discomfort and even destruction.

Do we in turn need to destroy the ego, or should we even want to?

As a Body-Psychotherapist I find that on an energetic level the ego resides in the 2nd “Chakra”, which signifies personal and sexual relationships and the ability to say “YES” or “NO”, when appropriate. (Chakra is a Sanskrit word meaning “wheel”, which refers to the seven major energy centers in the human body). On a developmental level it signals the time of the two year old child in us who is learning to say NO, while trying to discover and affirm its ego-self identity without interference. (Remember the “Terrible Twos”?)

What if you were to approach your ego the same way you would handle a willful child, who needs to find out how she/he fits into the world, test whether she is “good enough”, acceptable and mostly lovable. Would you try to suppress the child’s creative explorations of self, or would you want to caringly teach and lead her/him into new directions?

Whenever we don’t feel heard, seen, acknowledged, respected, or appreciated our early memories - particularly those of our two year old time - get triggered. Our subconscious can, and does, immediately and relentlessly flood us with unexplored feelings of the past. No wonder we want to get rid of and deny these uncomfortable and often painful memories.

Most of us believe that we are not good enough, that we did and are still doing something profoundly wrong because we aren’t, and weren’t, able to control our environment by making the world a safe place for ourselves and the people we care, or “should” care about. This belief was so firmly planted long ago, that it still haunts us today.

In order not to get re-traumatized we often choose to suppress the early painful experiences.

We may collapse under them and become depressed (and then take anti-depressants to stop the overwhelming feelings). Most often we become defensive when someone accuses us of even the slightest wrong doing. What we are really defending is that fragile young place inside, the child who is still looking for a voice, trying to be heard and seen… In truth, we no longer want to get acknowledged by anyone else of the past or present, but rather we want to be lovingly re-parented by our own adult self.

With the kind of Body-Psychotherapy I have developed over many years, and called Unergi (unity & energy), we can access and gently redirect and re-educate the early self without being afraid of re-traumatization. Through simultaneous touch, talk, and movement the rejected ego self can find a welcoming, integrated place that will feel expansive on mental, emotional and physical levels. We will learn how to create and sustain meaningful relationships.

Life includes all and therefore needs to creatively, naturally and lovingly express our spiritual nature without fear of even the youngest and most inexperienced part of us. Didn’t the loving entity Jesus say, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Mark - Chapter 10:14)

I suggest that we start with healthy, compassionate self-care and remind our younger ego self that we are “good enough, acceptable and mostly lovable”, one moment at a time!

This is a three part series on The Message of the Ego.

Shall We Kill the Ego or Love it Away?
2 Ego-body: Blueprint of the Soul 
3 Selfish - Fishing for the Self

You may want to join us in Unergi classes, workshops, or private sessions.


A letter to a holistic therapy client by Body-Psychotherapist, Ute Arnold


(silk painting by Ute Arnold)


I am very reluctant to give you some feedback on how I perceive you.

I'd much rather have you write your own testimonial about you, so that you might look through your own eyes and SEE you and not give your eyes to me.... not putting me on a pedestal believing that I could see something you can't. Though that may be true, that I see something different that might help you to see you more clearly the way you would like to, but how would you feel if my truth about you does not mesh with yours. Would you have the necessary ego strength to disagree, or would you simply try to shape yourself into someone you can not yet, or will never be able to, connect to?

The more you try to see yourself through my eyes, the more you might abandon letting yourself see you with your own beautiful eyes.

Here I go anyway.

I have never had the privilege to witness a person who is so committed and diligently looking for their truth! It has astounded me again and again how persistently you have been digging to "connect the dots", as you like to say. What you seem to run into are "secrets" that only sometimes make sense to me, and you lose me when you try to explain. But since you seem to continue to look for the dots to create your picture that makes sense to you, I can only agree with you that all this searching must be important to you and brings you relief from the pain you carry that lies at the bottom of this, and may be too scary for you to feel.

I would like to suggest that the secret you are keeping secret from yourself is that: you are utterly beautiful, perfect and more than good enough! Period.

And if this opinion I have of you can help you fall in love with yourself just a little bit, then I imagine that would make you very happy.

And I wouldn't mind you looking through my eyes for that.

All the best on your journey.... and with the love we all share,

Ute Arnold